Anchored

Since most of the counseling I provide is to married couples, it only seems sensible for me to blog my way through a marriage book. I’ve decided to go through the newly released, What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, by Paul Tripp. I have found Paul to be a reliable source in the past, and I expect no less from this resource.

It’s actually quite a challenge to find good books on marriage: good meaning that it’s primarily grounded in Scripture (not with Scripture simply tacked on to make it “Christian”), that it clearly connects the work of Christ to our daily lives (answers what His life, death, and resurrection have to do with my stuff today), and that it provides plenty of application points for couples to process together (a lot more needs to happen than simply reading a book, and a book that provides good application questions serves as a catalyst for something bigger to happen beyond the reading stage). Two very good books on marriage that do this are Love That Lasts, (app questions in the back of the book) by Gary & Betsy Ricucci, and When Sinner’s Say “I Do”, (app questions provided in a separate study guide—an exasperating separate purchase that could have been spared by including it in the back of the book) by Dave Harvey.

For a brief start on What Did You Expect?, let me make some initial observations and overview of the book before jumping in with chapter 1. My copy is a hardback edition that is 287 pages, which will make this book a challenge for most men to read (by contrast, Love That Lasts is 168 pages—including 12 pages of app questions, and When Sinner’s Say “I Do” is 183 pages in length). From the table of contents, What Did You Expect? is organized around 6 commitments:

Commitment 1: We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.

Commitment 2: We will make growth and change our daily agenda.

Commitment 3: We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.

Commitment 4: We will commit to building a relationship of love.

Commitment 5: We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.

Commitment 6: We will work to protect our marriage.

I note that with my initial scan of the book, I see only an occasional application question at the end of some of the chapters. I haven’t heard if this book will one day have a companion study guide, but if not then that is a disappointment (for the reasons I stated earlier on why a good “working book” will provide application questions).

For a taste of where this book intends to go, here is a section from the preface:

As long as we are two sinners living in a fallen world, there will be work to do. Sometimes that means being willing to serve when it’s the last thing we want to do. Sometimes it means being willing to listen when our instinct is to argue. Sometimes it means being willing to love, even in those moments when the other doesn’t seem deserving. Sometimes it means humbly asking for forgiveness when we are tempted to argue that we were right. Sometimes it means being willing to go through a moment of tension so that truth can get on the table. Sometimes it means being willing to overlook a minor offense. But there is one thing that we know for sure: as we rest in God’s grace, we are called to give grace to one another. And as we celebrate God’s wisdom, we must be willing to let that wisdom be our moment-by-moment guide as we relate and respond to each other.

Despite the absence of an abundance of application questions, I’m looking forward to getting into this book. Next up: chapter 1.