Sex Education in Your Home
What follows is part of an email I sent earlier this week to the parents of the small group I lead at the church I attend:
Some of us met this past Sunday afternoon for the parenting class that our church has been offering. Before the class started, a young father approached me and asked my thoughts about sex education in the home. Then, during session 1, Paul Tripp (the instructor) said that the topic of sex ed is a topic that needs to “stay on the table” within family discussions. When session 1 was over, some of the guys were asking about materials that would help facilitate these discussions, and I shared with them what I’ve been doing in my own family. We live in a hyper-sexualized culture and I see the devastating effects of that in my office every week. Unfortunately, too many of these casualties are Christians. One recurring theme among them is that their parents never made sex a topic of ongoing conversation. Much of that, I’m sure, is based on fear, and other times it’s just the awkwardness of the topic. But since it came up Sunday afternoon, and since I’m an advocate of open dialogue on the subject among families, let me suggest a curriculum you might consider taking your children through for both your benefit and theirs.
For some time now, my family and I have been using a curriculum by Stan and Brenna Jones (Stan is a professor of psychology at Wheaton College). The parent’s text is entitled, How & When to Tell Your Children About Sex: A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character. You can see it here.
Then there are four books that are categorized in age-appropriate divisions so that you can take your child through it at your own pace. Book 1 is, The Story of Me (ages 3-5); Book 2 is, Before I Was Born (ages 5-8); Book 3 is, What’s the Big Deal (ages 8-11); and Book 4 is, Facing the Facts (ages 11-14). You can see these books at these links:
Tamarah and I have decided the age recommendations on the books are a bit aggressive for us personally (we are just 2 chapters away from finishing book 3 and our boys are 12 and 14), so every family has to decide for themselves what and how and when to take this on. But one thing I would say you must not do is nothing. As someone once said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” Something is better than nothing. I also think the lifelong approach is far better than having “the talk” one time and never again (makes the topic into some anomaly, and that’s just weird). The subject and the reality are developmental, and our children will benefit far more if we bring them along as their lives mature and change.
There’s a lot more to say about all of this, but I wanted to at least get this much out based on the conversations some of us were having this past Sunday. Hope this helps. If you want or need anything more on this, or if this raises other questions, please feel free to ask away. I’m here to help.
